


Break And Burn And End

by cerie



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2013-12-11
Packaged: 2018-01-04 07:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerie/pseuds/cerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe she and Will aren’t together anymore but for the first time in a long time, she feels like they might be able to begin again.</p>
<p>Episode tag for 2.05 "News Night with Will McAvoy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break And Burn And End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Callie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callie/gifts).



> Title from Taylor Swift's "Begin Again:"
> 
>  
> 
> _I've been spending the last eight months_  
>  _Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end_  
>  _But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again_

“Ten minutes ago.” Will checks his watch. “Twelve minutes ago. During the last break. My sister answered the phone and…”

MacKenzie cannot believe what she’s hearing. He’s just sitting here, knowing his father has passed, and he’s all alone with his grief. She can tell, now that she knows, that Will is trying very hard to keep a tight rein on his emotions and not let anyone else know that he’s hurting. MacKenzie knows this about Will, knows how he’ll withdraw and hold his hurts close to the chest until they cut him deep inside. When they were together, she was good at getting him to talk to her and share his feelings but now? She’s afraid he doesn’t have a confidant anymore.

Will more or less gets through the correction at the end of the broadcast and numbly walks back to his office. MacKenzie follows after a few moments and stands in the doorway, watching as Will helplessly pulls at his tie with nerveless fingers. Grief hits him in numb shock, not rage or tears, and MacKenzie isn’t sure what to do with that. She’s always been an overly-emotional sort, the type to bubble and roil with anger and spill over with tears at the slightest provocation. Will can get loud when he’s angry but that’s nothing. It’s only when he gets quiet that you truly have to worry and the person Will McAvoy is most angry at on a regular basis is himself. Who was it that said depression was anger turned inward? MacKenzie cannot recall.

She crosses the room and undoes his tie for him, fingers clever against the knot. He murmurs a quiet thank you and goes into the bathroom to change, taking a little longer than MacKenzie would expect, and when he comes back out, his eyes are red-rimmed in a way that tells MacKenzie, even if he won’t say it out loud, that he’s been crying. Now she has a decision to make. Does she do the right thing and call his actual girlfriend and ask her to take care of him? Or does she do the selfish thing and offer herself as comfort tonight?

MacKenzie has never been a saint.

“Will, you shouldn’t be by yourself,” she says, biting her lip nervously. Now’s as good a time as any to take the plunge, isn’t it? “Let me take you home. We don’t have to...we don’t have to talk or anything but someone should be there with you so you’re not all by yourself.” Will meets her eyes for a long moment and MacKenzie feels pinned to the spot, seen in a way she hasn’t been seen since she and Will were together. He nods, slow, and she gives him the tiniest of smiles.

***

The cab ride from the studio to his apartment feels like it lasts forever and every time MacKenzie looks out the windows, the line of lights winding their way through the city streets appears infinite. Will has dipped his head a little and MacKenzie chances rubbing his back just between his shoulder blades. When that seems like a tolerated, if not welcomed touch, she chances rubbing the back of his neck and playing in the soft hair at the nape. He used to love that touch when they were together and she hopes it brings him comfort now. The cab lurches a little and her hand slides up into his hair, tousling the soft strands.

When they finally reach his building, MacKenzie helps him out of the cab and to the elevator. They’re quiet on the ride up but about halfway, she reaches for his hand and slides her fingers against his; Will grips her hand tightly and squeezes, holding on to her like a lifeline. It’s a little unexpected but MacKenzie is grateful because it means that in some small way, she’s helping. For the first time in a long time, she’s comforting him instead of hurting him and it means the world to her.

It’s really not supposed to be about her, is it?

Just as she helped him in the office, she helps him now. It’s familiar to her to unbutton his shirt and slide it off his shoulders, to ease the jeans down off his hips. MacKenzie can’t even count the number of times she’s undressed Will - be it for sex, companionship or anything in between. She’s never done this in comfort before, though, and she strips down herself and steals one of his shirts to wear. Turning down the sheets is automatic too, just like sliding in on the left side is. She still sleeps on the left even now, wanting to accommodate Will’s bad shoulder as if he’s a phantom presence in her empty bed. As she slides in beside him, she wonders if Nina sleeps on her side. She wonders if Nina sleeps over at all.

Will doesn’t speak until MacKenzie eases an arm around his waist and when he does, it’s low and she barely catches it. 

“I never got to fix it,” he murmurs, and the words make her ache. She knows his relationship with his father wasn’t good and in many ways, that poor relationship shaped other relationships in his life. She knows his father hurt him with fists and words and did all the things a parent is never supposed to do but she also knows Will has carried the guilt of not having a relationship with him for years. He waited and waited, grew bitter, and when he softened his heart and decided to try, he was betrayed again. 

“You couldn’t have known,” she murmurs back, pressing a kiss against his bare shoulder. Will is turned away from her but she can tell by the rhythm of his breathing and the tremble in his arms and shoulders that he’s crying. She doesn’t know how long it’s been since Will’s allowed himself to cry about anything, much less his father, and MacKenzie decides not to bring light to it. Will trusts her enough to be vulnerable and she feels like that’s enough for right now. 

Will turns after a few minutes and cups her face in both his hands. MacKenzie isn’t expecting him to lean in and kiss her but she can’t deny it’s a balm and a solace she didn’t realize _she_ needed. 

Maybe she and Will aren’t together anymore but for the first time in a long time, she feels like they might be able to begin again.


End file.
